This is something my English teacher gave me today... I thought it was really funny....
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like the sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
The little boat gently drifted across t he pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
McBride fell 12 stories like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 PM instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 P.M. traveling at 55mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 P.M. at a speed of 35 mph.
They lived in atypical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like to hummingbirds, who had also never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
Even in his later years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in –law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine, or something.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they forgot to put in any pH cleanser.
She walked into my office, like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts when you accidentally staple it to the wall.
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that has its two sides gently compressed by a thigh master.
His thoughts were tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because her looked at one of those solar eclipses without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.